Refuel #9

🔥 Refuel | Issue #9
A Newsletter from Faith + Gasoline
📅 Subject: The Day You Take the Keys: Love, Safety, and Hard Choices

🛠️ Welcome to Refuel

Hey Fam,

Taking the car keys from a parent might be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. My mother associated her freedom with driving. Her little Honda Civic was her pride and joy, she bought it on her own brand new. It was her first new car purchase for herself in 2005. It was a big accomplishment for her. And I felt terrible when she had to stop driving in 2017 and I made the decision to sell the car in 2020 and you would have thought I shot her in the neck with a dart. To say she didn’t agree with the decision is an understatement.

If you’ve been wrestling with this issue, you’re not alone. The car is more than just transportation—it’s independence, identity, and accomplishment. But when driving becomes dangerous, holding onto the keys becomes a risk—for them and for others.

Let’s talk about how to make this decision with courage, compassion, and clarity.

Don’t worry. Even though you’re doing this out of concern, there’s a strong chance your parents will not see it that way. They may feel betrayed and you will have to stand on business!

🔥 This Week’s Theme: Knowing When It’s Time

📖 Verse of the Week:
“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.” – Romans 12:9

Real love isn’t always soft. Sometimes, it’s protective. And sometimes, it means saying, “I know you don’t want to, but we need to talk about this today.”

🚗 Story from the Road: The Day I Sold Her Car

My mom had been driving just fine until one day she came home and said: The police said I almost caused a car accident but I didn’t! So after many questions I realized she turned after the light had changed and oncoming traffic was coming towards her. An officer saw that and stopped her in the Target parking lot. And a short time later she told me she had been driving around for half an hour trying to get home from my sister’s house. A drive she had made for years. So I then offered to drive her wherever she needed to go.

A family friend asked to buy her car in 2021 because it was just sitting in the garage. We had a very loving chat with my mom about it and she said yes. Of course by the time he came to pick up the car she had forgotten she said yes. After the car was sold she spend many days complaining to me that “Judy sold my car!” - and I would offer “I’m sure she only sold it because she loves you! Judy is your favorite!” And she would grunt still angry. She lost many memories but she stayed mad about her car for YEARS.

⚠️ The Hard Truth About Aging & Driving

🔴 More than 14 million Americans 65+ are still driving.
🔴 Vision, reaction time, and memory loss all increase the risk of accidents.
🔴 Most older drivers will never admit when it’s time to stop.
🔴 One bad day behind the wheel could change everything—for them or someone else.

📌 Bottom Line: You don’t need a crash to make the call. You need courage.

They are super serious about this topic so take your time - you may need more than one talk. And then after that, you still will know you’re right but they will accuse you of all kinds of terrible things from stealing from them to doing things behind their back. Stay with it! When it’s time for them to stop driving, you just have to put your foot down!

⛽ Quick Refuel: 6 Signs It Might Be Time to Take the Keys

✅ 1. Getting lost on familiar roads
✅ 2. Confusing the gas and brake pedals
✅ 3. Fender benders or unexplained dents
✅ 4. Delayed response to traffic signals
✅ 5. Warnings from neighbors or police
✅ 6. Fear or anxiety about driving (theirs or yours)

💡 Tip: Document incidents in a journal. If you need to talk to a doctor or sibling, having notes helps.

Why I mention faith…

I’m not super religious but after 7 years of caring for my mother, I had to lean into something to sustain me. And you will need that, too. For me, it was my spirituality and meditation. I have never felt forsaken before. At least not in any real way that would compare with watching my mother’s brain deteriorate and having to try to apply logic and patience to that even when I was exhausted or overworked or sleep deprived. Find the thing that will give you peace and sustenance. For me, it’s God. Find what works for you. These will be very hard, lonely days. Dementia Winter is here. Stay strong.

🛤️ Faith in Motion: A Simple Prayer

"God, give me wisdom to know when to step in,
when to speak with love,
and peace when the choices are hard.
Help me protect with grace,
and lead with compassion, not control. Amen."

📌 Next Steps

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥Sending out my first caregiver award mug to Marsha Johnson for her extraordinary care for her mother!!!

☕ Grab your Refuel mug with the link above!

🔑 You’re not taking the car. You’re giving them safety.

⛽ Community is the new currency.

Love you! Bye!

With faith & fuel,
Judith A. Culp
Founder, Faith + Gasoline