This isn’t just about caregiving.
It’s about what happens any time you care more than the system, the relationship, or the person you’re supporting.

Caring for people, in general, only gets harder as their health declines and your expectations remain unrealistic.

You are managing a healthcare scenario - you are not healing anyone after a certain point. And that’s why you have to keep your head above water. That’s the big goal.🚨

Caring doesn’t guarantee:

Sometimes the more you give, the more invisible it becomes. Oddly, some people feel entitled to all of your time and energy and are unapologetic about it.

It can be frustrating, but one of those things you just have to deal with and not be distracted by.

Caring accumulates.

You carry:

And unlike jobs, there are rarely:

Without boundaries, care becomes consumption.

For me, it became all-consuming due to the nature of Alzheimer’s. It has phases and some are more hostile than others. Depending on the nature of your loved one’s disease, eventually they can’t be left alone and then you have to pay for help (and you should do it) and leave enough time to have your own life.

This is the hardest expectation to let go of.

Care does not:

People change when they are ready—or not at all.

Your care can support change, but it cannot manufacture it. If a person is ill due to neglect or poor health habits, don't expect that to change. Getting frustrated will only affect you - they’re going to keep doing what they’ve always done, and your job is to accept that.

Burnout isn’t about doing too much.

It’s about expecting too much:

When expectations don’t match reality, the nervous system pays the price. And you will get burned out. So stay in touch with friends - go to those brunches, go on date nights, go for walks. This is a marathon, not a sprint, in most cases.

Healthy caring requires a shift from:

to:

That question isn’t selfish.
It’s strategic. And necessary. It can get overwhelming very quickly. When your loved one doesn’t sleep, their caregiver doesn’t sleep. When they’re hurting, the caregiver is struggling to find solutions. Eventually, you realize you’re exhausted. That’s okay. Just take some time for yourself.

Mature care:

It’s alignment.

Stay strong, but also take care.

This is hard, unpaid labor that can easily take a toll on your health. Drink water, go for walks, and eat healthy - you can’t take care of someone if you get sick, too.

Love you.

judith