⚖️ The Price of Love — Probate Court and What No One Tells You
Opening Reflection
Grief is hard enough.
Then the mail starts coming. The phone calls. The notices.
You thought the hardest part was losing them — until you meet probate court.
No one tells you that death has paperwork. That love leaves a legal trail.
If you don’t plan ahead, the state will make choices for your family.
And suddenly, the word estate doesn’t sound wealthy — it sounds heavy. And if you want to avoid probate court for your loved ones, you have to plan ahead.
What Probate Really Means
Probate is the legal process of settling someone’s affairs after death — distributing property, paying debts, and validating the will.
But it’s also the emotional process of sorting through a lifetime.
Here’s what most families learn too late:
Without a will or trust, probate can take months or even years.
Court fees and attorney costs can eat up thousands.
Siblings who never fought before might start now.
Even simple things — like closing an account — require legal authority.
The system is slow, but grief is not. You will be asked to make decisions when your heart is still raw. If you’re an only child and your parent is unmarried with beneficiaries named on everything - YOU get to pass right through this nightmare. But if you have siblings or the will isn’t up to date, or there are accounts without beneficiaries, you’re going to court.
🧾 1. Understand What Probate Is
Probate is the court-supervised process of validating a will, paying debts, and distributing assets. It’s public record, can take months (or years), and often costs 5–10% of the estate’s value in legal and administrative fees. Check for your state and county. In MO, if a person has more than $50,000 in assets, a probate case will be opened, even if a will exists. Beneficiaries (or TOD) must be named on all assets and accounts.
🧠 2. Use a Revocable Living Trust
The most common strategy is to place assets in a revocable living trust.
You (the “grantor”) keep control while alive.
A successor trustee takes over if you die or become incapacitated.
Assets in the trust pass directly to beneficiaries without probate.
Trusts also help manage your affairs if you become ill or disabled.
🏡 3. Title Assets Properly
Many families set up a trust but forget to retitle their assets into it — this is a huge mistake.
Real estate, bank accounts, and investments must be transferred into the trust’s name.
Otherwise, those assets still go through probate even if the trust exists.
💰 4. Use “Transfer on Death” (TOD) or “Payable on Death” (POD) Designations
Banks, brokerage firms, and even car titles allow you to name beneficiaries who automatically inherit those assets. These accounts bypass probate completely.
🪪 5. Use Beneficiary Designations for Retirement Accounts and Life Insurance
Your IRA, 401(k), and life insurance payouts go directly to the named beneficiary — not through probate. Just be sure to update these designations after major life events (divorce, death, etc.).
👫 6. Consider Joint Ownership — Carefully
Joint tenancy with right of survivorship can transfer property to the surviving owner without probate.
However, attorneys caution that this can:
Create tax issues,
Expose assets to the co-owner’s debts,
And sometimes disqualify you from Medicaid planning strategies.
🏦 7. Small Estate Procedures
If an estate is below a certain dollar amount (varies by state), you can use a simplified affidavit process instead of full probate. Elder law attorneys help families determine if this applies.
📜 8. Keep an Updated Estate Plan
An outdated will or trust can cause confusion and land the estate in probate court anyway. Review all documents every 3–5 years or after any major life change.
⚖️ 9. Use a Trust for Real Property in Multiple States
If your parent owns property in more than one state, each property can trigger a separate probate. Transferring all properties into a trust avoids that hassle.
🧩 10. Probate Avoidance = Privacy + Control
Avoiding probate isn’t just about saving money; it's also about preserving family wealth. It’s about:
Keeping the family’s affairs private,
Preventing will contests or public disputes,
Ensuring assets pass smoothly and quickly to loved ones.
Watch this video and imagine trying to complete your paperwork after a diagnosis. Many of you won’t just be taking care of your elderly parents…
Closing Thought
If your family is in the middle of probate right now — take a deep breath.
You’re not alone.
You’re learning, in real time, that love and law both leave a mark.
And someday, you’ll help someone else through it — with wisdom you earned the hard way. 💙
As I wind down this weekly newsletter, I encourage you to take some action. We are heading towards 2026, and I have already heard that the number of unpaid U.S. caregivers has increased from 55 million to 63 million. Many families suffer in silence with the duties of caring for aging and chronically ill relatives. But don’t do that. Community is all we have. If you need help, ASK for it. And if people say no, keep asking. There is no easy way to fold caregiving into your life, but many of you will have to figure it out. So, start now!
Stay encouraged.
judith.
