Refuel #30

🔥 Refuel | Issue #30
A Newsletter from Faith + Gasoline
📅 Subject: “When Home Becomes the Battleground”

💙💙Thank you for making Refuel in the top 20% of Behiiv newsletters!!💙💙

🛠️ Welcome to Refuel

Hey fam,

We all know the house is more than bricks and paint.
It’s where birthdays were celebrated, homework was done at the kitchen table, and the good china came out once a year.

But here’s the truth nobody wants to say out loud: when your parent gets sick, the family home can become the biggest source of conflict and financial loss.

Probate. Medicaid. Reverse mortgages. Siblings who disagree.
The house isn’t “just a house” anymore—it’s an asset tied up in law, debt, and memory. And it’s especially troublesome if long-term care is needed or there is no will or trust!

Let’s talk about it before the locks get changed and the lawyers get involved. This can get super complicated very quickly. Let’s unpack it.

🔥 This Week’s Theme: Protect the Roof, Protect the Legacy

📖 Verse of the Week:
“By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established.” – Proverbs 24:3

Legacy isn’t automatic. It has to be protected.

🚗 Story from the Road: “Ma Said the Bank Could Have It”

My mom used to joke, “If y’all don’t want this house, the bank can take it.”
But when the time came, it wasn’t a joke. And I found out that it's just probate court, so…no thanks.

She had both equity and debt. And when her care costs rose, the house became the first thing I considered to pay for care. I never wanted her on Medicaid. Not only did I not find a great facility, but they would take all of the proceeds from any sale. It’s a conundrum. And some people will have to use Medicaid. That’s just the harsh reality because private pay is so expensive.

I was learning in real time that the family home is one of the most misunderstood parts of elder care—and the system is set up to eat away at it.

📊 What Really Happens to the Family Home

🏛️ Probate
If there’s no will—or if the deed isn’t handled right—the home goes through probate. That can take months (sometimes years) and cost thousands in legal fees.

💸 Reverse Mortgages
If your parent took out a reverse mortgage, the loan comes due at death. That means the house must be sold (or you must pay it off fast).

⚖️ Medicaid Liens
If your parent received Medicaid, the state can file a claim against the estate—including the home—to recover costs. This is called Medicaid Estate Recovery (MERP).

👨‍👩‍👧 Family Drama
One sibling wants to sell. Another wants to keep it. Suddenly, the home is less about memories and more about money—and resentment.

These are tough conversations - the things people avoid. But I cannot stress enough how much you don’t want to be caregiving and figuring this stuff out at the same time.

⛽ Quick Refuel: ✅ 5 Things You Can Do to Protect the Family Home

✅ 1. Put it in writing. Make sure the will is current and names the individuals who will inherit the house (or how it will be divided). And if one child “inherits” everything, make sure that’s known ahead of time. Many siblings get along well enough to split things evenly, no matter what is written on the paperwork. But some families have a different dynamic…COMMUNICATE.

✅ 2. Ask about trusts. An irrevocable trust can sometimes protect the home from probate and Medicaid recovery—but timing is critical.

✅ 3. Know the mortgage status. Reverse mortgages, HELOCs, or unpaid property taxes can complicate inheritance.

✅ 4. Talk about the plan. Ask your parents: “Do you want us to keep this house, or sell it?” Clarity avoids family fights later.

✅ 5. Plan before a crisis. Medicaid has a 5-year lookback. Waiting until someone’s already sick reduces your options.

📌 Takeaway: The home holds legacy—but without planning, it can become the family’s most significant liability.

Try to get on the same page. The last thing you want to be doing is fighting when one or both of your parents gets sick!

🛤️ Faith in Motion: A Simple Prayer

“God,
Thank You for the shelter of our homes, and for the memories made within them.
Give me courage to have the hard conversations,
wisdom to protect what my parents built,
and peace when decisions must be made that honor both legacy and reality.
Amen.”

📌 Next Steps

Like the newsletter? If you want to support this work, Cash App is: $faithandgasoline

We have merch: Refuel 

📘 Recommended Read:
Refuel: The Caregiver’s Handbook - This digital download is the perfect introduction to long-term caregiving! Buy it for yourself or a friend. Many of you are caregivers, even if you don’t know it yet!

If they want to sign up: https://refuelbyfaithandgasoline.beehiiv.com/subscribe

📢 Forward this to your sibling or cousin. Don’t let silence cost your family the roof your parents worked for.

💙💙 Community is the new currency 💙💙

A house is never just a house. It’s love, sacrifice, and memory.
Protect it with wisdom—so it becomes a legacy, not a burden.

Go be great. 🚀💙
Love you.

With faith & fuel,
Judith A. Culp
Founder, Faith + Gasoline