Refuel #25

🔥 Refuel | Issue #25
A Newsletter from Faith + Gasoline
📅 Subject: “Caring for the Parent Who Hurt You” – When Love and History Are Complicated

🛠️ Welcome to Refuel

Hey fam,

Let’s get honest.

Caregiving is hard enough when your relationship is close.
But what happens when it’s not?
When the person you’re caring for is the same person who neglected you, criticized you, abandoned you—or worse?

What do you do when your heart says "I want to do the right thing,"
but your body remembers every wound?

This issue is for the brave ones loving through pain.
You are not cold. You are not alone. You are walking the tightrope of legacy and truth.

And it’s not easy…

🔥 This Week’s Theme: Grace Doesn’t Mean Amnesia

📖 Verse of the Week:
“Love your enemies, do good to them… Then your reward will be great.” – Luke 6:35

This doesn’t mean putting yourself in harm’s way.
It means choosing healing over hate, with boundaries.

🚗 Story from the Road: I Did It With a Heavy Heart…at first

My mother and I were close, but our relationship was nuanced. My mom could be really mean. Not abusive, but definitely not a warm and fuzzy person. She could be very sweet. But she could also be equally as detached. She didn’t want to have heart-to-heart chats. She really wasn’t gonna humor your tears, either. Most of my triggers came from her, and then to have to care for her was deeply mindblowing.

But inside, I was grieving pain I never forgot.

I had to make peace with who she was and who she became, and to recognize that I wasn’t a little girl anymore. She did the best she could, and overall, I had a pretty great childhood.

That’s when healing began—not for her, but for me.

💔 The Truth About Care and Complicated Love

🔴 You don’t have to pretend it didn’t happen.
🔴 You don’t have to feel warm and fuzzy to show compassion.
🔴 Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting—it means refusing to let bitterness lead.
🔴 Boundaries aren’t rejection—they’re a way of saying: “I’m healing while I help.”

📌 Bottom Line: You’re allowed to be both dutiful and wounded. You’re not betraying your feelings. But know that God is doing a work in you. And let Him.

⛽ Quick Refuel: ✅ 5 Ways to Care Without Losing Yourself

✅ 1. Tell the truth (to yourself).
Admit what happened. Name the hurt. Don’t gaslight your own past for the sake of peace.

✅ 2. Set boundaries in love.
It’s okay to say: “I can help, but I don’t have to internalize the unpleasant parts of this.”
Structure is not selfish—it’s sacred.

✅ 3. Have an emotional safety plan.
Who will you call when old wounds get triggered?
Have support on standby—therapist, friend, journal, prayer partner.

✅ 4. Redefine what “honoring your parent” looks like.
Honor doesn’t always mean access. It can mean:

• Ensuring they’re cared for

• Not letting hate take root

• Breaking the cycle

✅ 5. Forgive at your own pace, not on demand.
Forgiveness is not an event—it’s a process.
Start with: “I’m willing to want peace, even if I’m not there yet.”

📌 Takeaway: You can offer care without offering your whole soul. That is still love.

📌 Next Steps

💬 Let’s Connect:
If you feel like you need to talk with someone, I am available for consultation. For $150, you can chat with me for an hour and receive support and guidance. Respond to this email for details.

🧠 Resource:
📖 “It Didn’t Start With You” by Mark Wolynn — a deep dive into generational pain and how to heal while still showing up.

🎧 Listen:
✨ Subscribe to MadLove

We have merch! https://refuel.printify.me/

📢 Share this issue gently with someone who needs permission to say:

💙💙 Community is the new currency 💙💙

You don’t have to pretend.
You don’t have to forget.
You just have to love from a place that protects your peace.

Go be great. 🚀💙
Love you.

With faith & fuel,
Judith A. Culp
Founder, Faith + Gasoline