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- Refuel #2
🔥 Refuel | Issue #2
A Newsletter from Faith + Gasoline
📅 Subject: “I Said Yes to Caregiving… Now What?”
🛠️ Welcome to Refuel
Hey Fam,
So, you’ve made the decision—you’re stepping up as the primary caregiver for your aging parent(s). Maybe it wasn’t a choice you wanted to make, but they need support so you’re stepping up. I always knew I would have to look out for my mother, but I never thought she was going to get sick. Let’s be honest: this is a life-changing moment.
Taking on this role is a profound act of love, but it also comes with challenges you might not feel fully prepared for. That’s okay. Today, let’s talk about what comes after the decision—how to initially set yourself up for success. It begins with observation. Are there red flags? 🚩🚩🚩 (spoiler alert: there will be red flags!)
🔥 This Week’s Theme: Preparing for the Caregiving Road Ahead
📖 Verse of the Week:
"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans." – Proverbs 16:3
When you step into caregiving, everything shifts. Your time, your priorities, even your relationships. Instead of letting it overwhelm you, take it one step at a time. And if your loved one(s) never get seriously ill, and you can check on them or take over their administrative stuff, you are only sacrificing a weekend here and there. Hooray!
🚩🚩🚩The steady march towards one or both of them not doing well enough to live alone - that’s when the red flags should go up. And if that happens, you need to have a plan.
Go slowly though - they will probably not want to talk about any of it!
🚗 Story from the Road: The Moment I Realized It Wasn’t Just Old Age 🚩🚩🚩
Covid meant I was home all day…
I’d been helping my mother with little things for years—errands, appointments, maintaining the house. But when it became clear she wasn’t just getting older, that something was not quite right, it was when I worked from home all day during Covid. And remember, nothing was open so we were together most of the day. I had been living with her because I had committed to helping her out, and her house was bigger than what I could afford at that time, so we were cohabitating. Think Frasier. She had been struggling with her retirement income, but I could supplement it, and it worked out. I look back now and I think I knew she was having issues, but she would bite my head off if I tried to ask too many questions, so it just never seemed worth it. I went with the path of least resistance until I couldn’t.
🚩During this time, I noticed she couldn’t retain many details.
🚩I noticed she responded to a Medicare Advantage commercial every day—including finding her wallet, pulling out her Medicare card, and calling the TV business selling a plan. She grew angry and forgot she called them before hanging up. Every. Day.
🚩Then she dragged a “neighbor” into the house while taking out the garbage, and I knew her judgment was off.
I became alarmed and made an appointment with her doctor ASAP. We will explore how that turned out throughout several newsletters, but the message here is:
🚩🚩🚩Look for the signs and stay vigilant. What might start as something small could grow into something big. And with Alzheimer’s, it moves slowly but is relentless.
⛽ Quick Refuel: First 5 Steps After Saying “Yes” to Caregiving
✅ 1. Get Organized Early
Gather medical records, medication lists, insurance info, and legal documents.
Keep a caregiving binder (or digital folder) with all essential information.
✅ 2. Talk About the Hard Stuff Now
Have an open conversation with your parent about their wishes for healthcare, finances, and end-of-life care. They might not want to talk about it but stay patient!
If they don’t have a will or power of attorney, now is the time. Stay persistent—you don’t want probate court!
✅ 3. Build a Support Network
Identify family members, friends, or professionals who can help. You would like a team if you can build one, but be prepared, you might be it.
Look into local caregiver support groups or online communities.
✅ 4. Take Care of Your Own Well-Being
Schedule breaks—even if they’re small. I took long drives on Sunday mornings!
Find an outlet (prayer, journaling, walking, talking to a friend). Self-care!
✅ 5. Remember: You’re Not Alone
God walks this road with you. He sees your sacrifice and your struggles.
Caregiving isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present.
📌 Want to hear a real life caregiver story? MadLove podcast episode from 12/19/2023.
📚 Refuel Reads: This Week’s Book Recommendation
📖 Atomic Habits - James Clear
💡 Why you need this book: You must be organized to be a good caregiver. I loved this book!
📌 Takeaway Tip: Don’t wait for a crisis to start planning. The best caregiving decisions are made with a clear mind, not under stress. Don’t procrastinate!
🛤️ Faith in Motion: A Simple Prayer
"Lord, as I take on this role, I ask for wisdom, strength, and patience. Help me to lead with love, care with grace, and trust that I am never alone on this journey. Amen."
📌 Next Steps
📢 Know someone becoming a caregiver? Please forward this email and let them know they’re not alone. Refuel.
🎥 Now Playing A Faith + Gasoline YouTube video on “Caregiving 101: Medicare vs Medicaid” - know the difference!
These are crazy times, buy gold where I have bought gold since 2019: Acre 🏆💛✨
We have Refuel swag ☕😊
If you enjoyed this newsletter, share it with someone you love. We are in this together, community is the new currency 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Love you.
❤️❤️🩹❤️
With faith & fuel,
Judith A. Culp
Founder, Faith + Gasoline