Refuel #12

🔥 Refuel | Issue #12
A Newsletter from Faith + Gasoline
📅 Subject: “I’m Fine.” – Why Aging Parents Won’t Tell You They’re in Pain

🛠️ Welcome to Refuel

Hey fam,

There’s a moment in caregiving that stops you cold:
You realize your parent has been in pain for a long time, and they never told you. The older they get, they may be having aches and pains that cause them to quietly suffer. My mom had stress fractures in her feet a few years ago and we only found out because my sister insisted on sending the x-ray of her feet to her doctor!

They have reasons for not telling you:

They didn’t want to worry you.
They didn’t think it mattered.
They didn’t want to admit something was wrong.
So they said what they always say:

“I’m fine.”

But they’re not fine.
And you’re left piecing it together—like a detective with a heart full of guilt.

If this sounds familiar, this issue is for you.

🔥 This Week’s Theme: The Silence Behind Their Smile

📖 Verse of the Week:
“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.” – Psalm 34:17

You may not hear their cries—but God does.
And He’ll give you wisdom to notice what isn’t said.

🚗 Story from the Road: She Was in Pain and I Didn’t Know

My mom had arthritis in her feet and back and Alzheimer’s. Many nights she was restless. I noticed she had a certain way about her when she was in pain. I thought it was just the dementia acting up. But when I looked closer, I noticed how she held her body—touching her forehead and her knees (which had been surgically replaced). At the end she had a ton of neuro inflammation and it was awful. But now that I look back I can tell she had been having some pain every morning for a while.

Many days I asked if she was hurting. She said no.
But at the end her eyes said yes. She entered her last days screaming in pain with her eyes pleading with me to stop it.

I had found powdered extra strength Tylenol and we had been giving her that.
But now it was time for morphine.
She began her transition peacefully. Pain-free.

We will unpack that later.

You just have to be really tuned into what they need.

⚠️ The Hard Truth About Hidden Pain

🔴 Many aging parents believe pain is “just part of getting old.”
🔴 They don’t want to complain, burden you, or seem weak.
🔴 Chronic conditions—arthritis, neuropathy, back pain—go undiagnosed or untreated for years.

📌 Bottom Line: They may not say it—but their body always tells the truth.

⛽ Quick Refuel: 5 Signs They’re in Pain—Even if They Deny It

✅ 1. Watch how they move.
Slower steps. Grimacing. Holding onto furniture. These are red flags.

✅ 2. Notice sleep changes.
Waking frequently, daytime napping, or insomnia can signal discomfort.

✅ 3. Listen for code words.
“I’m just tired.” “I feel off.” “I’m getting old.” Translation: something hurts.

✅ 4. Check their appetite.
Pain can cause nausea or reduce interest in eating altogether.

✅ 5. Observe their mood.
Irritability, withdrawal, or confusion may stem from unspoken pain—especially in people with dementia.

📌 Takeaway: Be curious. Don’t take “I’m fine” at face value.

🛤️ Faith in Motion: A Simple Prayer

"God,
Give me eyes to see what my parent can’t say.
Let me recognize the signs, and trust my instincts.
Help me bring relief with love, and comfort with wisdom.
May my care reflect Your healing presence.
Amen."

📌 Next Steps

💬 Let’s Connect:
Have you ever uncovered pain your loved one didn’t mention?
Share your story with us—we’ll highlight a few in the next issue of Refuel.

✨ Try this:
Keep a simple daily log of symptoms, mobility, and mood. It’s easier to spot patterns over time.

🧪 Want to track your own wellness too?
Try Function Health: lab testing made for caregivers like us.
https://my.functionhealth.com/signup?code=JCULP11

New Refuel store: https://refuel.printify.me/

📢 If this resonated, forward it to someone who needs to know—they’re not imagining it.

💙💙 Community is the new currency 💙💙

You're not just a caregiver. You’re a truth-finder. A healer. A hero in the quiet moments.

Go be great. 🚀💙
Love you.

With faith & fuel,
Judith A. Culp
Founder, Faith + Gasoline