Refuel #10

🔥 Refuel | Issue #10
A Newsletter from Faith + Gasoline
📅 Subject: “Am I Doing the Right Thing?” – Caregiver Guilt & Letting Go of the Shame

🛠️ Welcome to Refuel

Hey fam,

Taking over your parents’ care isn’t just hard—it’s heavy work.

You’re making decisions for those who once made them for you.
You’re managing their health, their home, maybe even their money.
You’re stepping into a role you never asked for. And even when you’re doing your best…
the guilt creeps in.

I used to worry that I was going to kill my siblings’ mother - and that’s a lot of pressure.

Maybe it sounds like this:

If you’ve ever felt like a bad daughter, son, or caregiver, I want you to hear this clearly:

📌 Guilt doesn’t always mean you’re doing something wrong. It often means you’re doing something hard.

Let’s talk about it.

🔥 This Week’s Theme: Guilt Is Not the Truth—Grace Is

📖 Verse of the Week:
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” – Romans 8:1

God isn’t shaming you. He’s strengthening you.

Know that you are doing your best and find comfort in that at all times.

🚗 Story from the Road: When Guilt Took the Wheel

My mom developed Alzheimer’s, so it was more than just a little forgetfulness issue. It was a constant onslaught of questions she had no memory of asking. For hours on end. A steady erosion of judgment and decision-making over the years. When she got diagnosed, her neurologist gave her Donepezil. I eagerly gave my mom the pills because her personality had started to change, and I needed this pill to work. But it didn’t. It made her worse. My sister is a retired R.N., and she firmly believed that the pill just needed to build up in her system. I told her that I felt like it was making her memory much worse and that she wasn’t going to remember us at all after a few more weeks on this stuff. I took her off of it. And I felt enormous guilt. I believed I was right, but I knew it was a risk and felt bad about it.

That’s when I realized: guilt had nothing to do with truth. The issue was doing what’s best for them, even if you’re unsure. I had to trust my gut. I had just read a book by a popular neurologist I had been following on YouTube who said they prescribe this pill, knowing it doesn’t work. I was livid but thankful because I don’t believe in coincidences.

⚠️ The Hard Truth About Caregiver Guilt

🔴 Guilt is common—even when you're doing everything right.
🔴 It’s often tied to role reversal, grief, and feeling like you’re “parenting your parent.”
🔴 You may feel selfish for wanting rest, angry for needing help, or heartbroken for taking control.
🔴 None of those feelings make you a bad caregiver. They make you human.

📌 Bottom Line: Your presence is the gift. Your love is the proof.

⛽ Quick Refuel: 5 Ways to Break the Guilt Cycle

✅ 1. Name it, don’t bury it.
Write down what you feel guilty about—and ask if it’s really true.

✅ 2. Redefine “good.”
A good caregiver is not a perfect one. They’re a present one. I struggled with losing my temper and feeling guilty. I wasn’t perfect, but I did my absolute best at all times.

✅ 3. Set boundaries.
Saying “no” to one thing is saying “yes” to staying healthy enough to show up tomorrow.

✅ 4. Talk to someone.
Guilt grows in silence. Share with someone you trust—even if it's just one person.

✅ 5. Let grace interrupt your inner critic.
Always show yourself grace. You’re probably not a doctor or a nurse, so this is all new to you. Stay patient with yourself.

📌 Takeaway: You can’t give what you don’t have. Be kind to yourself first.

🛤️ Faith in Motion: A Simple Prayer

"God, I give you my guilt.
Wash away the shame I carry and replace it with grace.
Remind me that I am enough, even when I feel unsure.
Let me care with love, speak with wisdom, and rest without fear.
Amen."

📌 Next Steps

💬 Let’s Connect: Nominate a caregiver to whom you want to give a complimentary Refuel mug Refuel merch!

Try Function - the bloodwork your doctor doesn’t ask for in a routine lab order, but what you want to know: https://my.functionhealth.com/signup?code=JCULP11&_saasquatch=JCULP11

📢 If this helped you, share it with someone walking the same road. 🚀💙 

💙 💙 Community is the new currency💙 💙 

You’re not doing it all wrong. You’re doing it with love.
And that’s enough. I’m proud of us! Go be great🚀💙

Love you.🚀💙🚀💙🚀💙🚀💙

With faith & fuel,
Judith A. Culp
Founder, Faith + Gasoline